


Wildemount's Most Wanted

by meladromatic



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe- Modern Setting - Freeform, Alternate Universe- Modern with Magic, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Nott and Caleb are criminals on the run, Team as Family, Urban Fantasy, and BeauYasha, i don't know cr geography and at this point I'm too afraid to ask, maybe a bit of background FjordJester, playing fast and loose with D&D spells, set in the early 2000s?, things are where i say they are for convenience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-07-01 15:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15776790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meladromatic/pseuds/meladromatic
Summary: Maybe if they played along, got a little friendlier with the neighbors, everything would be okay. For a while. They only needed a little borrowed time before they would eventually be evicted for not paying rent and move on to the next town, the next apartment, the next set of nosy neighbors. The idea already left Caleb with the ghost of a headache. Having to play nice and go have tea parties. Well, if it was that or prison it wasn’t much of a choice...At the top of the Wildemount’s Most Wanted List- Nott the Brave and Caleb Widogast have been alone together for the better part of a year, apartment hopping across the country, always one step ahead of police. They’ve been living in the shadows, relying on only each other, and stealing to survive until some nosy neighbors force them into the open. Will they learn to trust these new people, or will this new group be their downfall?





	1. Caught

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I've actually put any of my work out there and I recently got way into Critical Role! I'm working on a second chapter and already have some vague ideas about what I want to write, but I'm really open to suggestions! Anyways, enjoy!

   

     Caleb Widogast never expected to be in this situation. Maybe at one point he would have believed he would be in a _similar_ situation just out of principal, but this one was just specific enough to be out of reach. This was never in the plan. Then again there wasn’t really a plan, and even if there was the last 10 years certainly weren’t part of it either. Not the asylum, not jail, and especially not Nott.

     Nott had wormed her way into Caleb’s life- quickly going from cellmate to best friend and self-appointed guardian. She was a tiny, green, snaggletoothed, alcoholic, grimy, kleptomaniacal goblin and Caleb wouldn’t have her any other way. She was a troublemaker, but so was he. He loved Nott, he really did. She was just so kind and funny and clever and she never made fun of the way he cringed away from lighters and matches. She was the light of his life.

     And sometimes- much like this specific time- he wished he had told her that a little more often. Kinda. It sort of depended on if that _ping!_ in the back of his mind was someone breaking into their apartment trying to murder her or- and this he reasoned was more likely- Nott’s sticky fingers had gotten the best of her again and she had snuck out in search of something valuable to swipe. Either way he was thankful his undying anxiety and religious alarm-setting could let him intervene.

     He was also thankful he wasn’t too far from their apartment complex. For timing as well as lack of stamina. Hopefully she didn’t make it out to the street yet. Judging by the lack of screams or people running (besides himself) Caleb felt it was safe to assume Nott hadn’t made it outside. He still had time.

     After slamming open several doors and sprinting up three flights of stairs a thoroughly winded and worried Caleb stumbled onto the third floor of the Zadash apartment complex with purpose in his eyes and fire in his veins. Even from the far end of the hallway he could see their door- apartment number 9- was left ajar. No sign of Nott.

     Caleb lurched forward, his mind conjuring images of the worst. Had burglars broken in? Had the police found them? Had neighbors found out about a goblin living next door? Magic flitted over him, pooling in his clenched hands as his skin turned to charcoal. He would protect them. He would keep them both safe if it meant burning this entire city to the ground.

     Screams caught his attention- his head whipped back to stare at the door to the apartment across from theirs- number 7. It was open as well. That could only mean one thing.

     “What the hell?!” A gruff woman's voice shouted, punctuated with a loud _WHACK_ , “Get out of here!” _WHACK!_

     Caleb wasted no time, barging through the open doorway and stepping into the fray. Of course, he had been right before. Nott couldn’t seem to keep her sticky fingers in check and had undoubtably found trouble again.

     This trouble came in the form of a rather surly looking woman attempting to pin the little goblin to the wall with a stick.

     “What are you doing here?!” The woman growled, slamming the end of the staff into the wall, effectively blocking off Nott’s escape route. The goblin scrambled to get around the woman, yellow eyes wide in panic. She yelped, ducking under the wooden staff to run for the open door.

     Caleb barely had any time to process this, but his body seemed to move of its own accord as he saw the woman raise the staff above her head, preparing to bring it down as Nott ran. He threw himself forward to intercept her, pulling Nott close and releasing a Fire Bolt which missed its target, bursting on the wall behind the angry woman. Caleb didn’t mind, though, that was only a warning shot.

     It all happened in an instant, and the staff came slamming down onto Caleb’s shoulder either way. The pain didn’t even register, it was just a burst of numbness.

     As the woman reared back for another strike a large green hand caught her staff in mid-air.

     “ _Beau!_ What the fuck did I tell you about hittin’ shit first and asking questions later?” A large half-orc man with a Menagerie Coast drawl scolded, attempting to pry the stick out of the woman’s hands.

     “You said that it was _cool_ and I should do it _all the time!_ ” She bit back, trying to pull her staff out of his grip.

     “No, I did not!” He countered, still trying to wrestle the weapon from her grasp.

     This distraction was just what Caleb needed.

     “Nott, go! Run!” Caleb commanded, shoving the goblin towards the open door. She scrambled forward, but someone else had already beat her there.

     A blue tiefling slammed the door closed, filling the space and acting as a barricade. “You can’t leave!” She shouted, “We have so many questions for you! What are you doing here? Who are you people?”

     Faced with multiple assailants and no way out, Nott went on the defense, backing up and drawing her crossbow to shakily load a bolt. The two fugitives sat there on the floor of their neighbors’ apartment, back to back, weapons trained on the three.

     “I'm so sorry, Caleb!” Nott said shamefully, “It happened again.”

     “I know.”

     Heart beating out of his chest, Caleb wondered how far they would have to run this time. How many people he would fell before the day was done. Everything was a blur of adrenaline and fear. These were no longer people to him, just targets. The only one that mattered was there pressed up against him, crossbow ready. Caleb fleetingly marveled at how brave Nott was, even if he was pretty peeved that she had caused all of this in the first place.

     The half-orc man finally seemed to wrestle the staff away from the raging woman who gave it up in favor of lunging towards Caleb. Before her elbow could connect with his temple a shimmering barrier appeared, deflecting the blow. The woman bounced away as if she had tried to pile drive a beach ball and took a moment to shake her head and rub her elbow. She looked somewhere over Caleb’s head in disbelief.

     “Ow! Jester, what the _fuck_?!” She screeched at the blue tiefling as Shield of Faith dissipated.

     Jester lowered her glowing hand, shooting the woman a stern look, “That’s no way to treat our GUESTS, _Beau_.”

     “ _Guests?!_ That goblin broke into our house! And who the hell is _this_ guy?” Beau gestured to Caleb who kept his arm raised, embers burning bright in the palm of his hand.

     Nott stared intently at the girl blocking the door, “Are you going to kill us?” She demanded, straightening out her aim with the crossbow.

     “What? _No_.” Jester crooned innocently. Her accent was of a thick Infernal, “Why would we _kill_ you? We still have questions!”

     The half-orc placed Beau’s staff in the corner of the living room with care, returning to her side, but hanging back to look just over her shoulder.

     “Yeah, I agree with Jester.” He said carefully, “Just who are you two?”

     Caleb’s eyes darted between the two in front of him. The wall still smoldered behind them where his Fire Bolt had hit. He dared to glance over his shoulder and meet eyes with Nott. She was looking to him for approval- he might as well take the reigns on this one. He sighed.

     “My name is Caleb Widogast and this is…my, uh, companion, Nott.” He cringed a bit at the accidental use of his full name. Force of habit. He noticed Nott had already lowered her weapon and hesitantly let his arm fall, “We live, uh…across the hall. Number nine.”

     Beau nodded, though she still seemed apprehensive. The half-orc stepped a bit closer, seeming to drop his guard, for now.

     “So you’re our neighbors?” He mused.

     “ _Oh my gosh!_ ” Jester chimed, bouncing on her toes, “We’ve been wondering who moved in! How come we never see you guys? I tried to bring you donuts one time, but you never answered the door!”

     Caleb remembered that suspicious, out-of-the-blue knocking that startled them three weeks ago. They had triple locked the door and turned off all the lights when the incessant banging hadn’t stopped. He had been so sure it was the police, come to drag them back to jail. That was the last thing he needed. Trapped back in an asylum with Nott on the chopping block. They had held their breaths there in the dark until well after the knocking had ceased and footsteps had trailed off down the hall. Call him paranoid, but it’s that paranoia that kept them alive.

     “Well,” The half-orc man said, hesitantly holding out a hand, “it’s a pleasure to meet ya, Caleb…Nott.”

     Caleb grimaced, but shook hands with the man, letting the fire in his palm crawl back into his veins. His heart didn’t quite calm, though.

     “I’m Fjord. This here’s Jester,” Fjord gestured to the excitable blue tiefling, “and, uh, this one’s Beauregard. Don’t mind her, she just…doesn’t take too kindly to strangers.”

     Beau rolled her eyes, “Yeah, sure. Why are we still glazing over the fact that these two fucking _broke into_ our goddamn apartment? I kinda want to get back to that if you don’t mind.”

     “Oh, yeah!” Jester chirped, leaning back against the door, “Why did you break into our apartment? You could have knocked, we would have just let you in! We’re not all weird and anti-social like you people!”

     Caleb finally wilted, leaning heavily against Nott. They both answered ungracefully, stumbling over the other’s words.

     “My friend-“

     “- I just-!“

     “-she-“

     “-I get the itch to- to take things! I heard…I heard _coins_ and I- well I just couldn’t help myself! I’m so sorry, Caleb! Also, we’re out of booze.” Nott wriggled uncomfortably, her reedy voice strained with regret.

     Caleb couldn’t help but hang his head and chuckle. He knew this would happen eventually. He should have had the foresight to buy more whiskey.

     “I know, Nott.” He mumbled.

     Nott stared up at Jester with large yellow eyes in an attempt to look somewhat pitiful. Well, as pitiful as a goblin could look. The teeth must have still been off-putting. “Are you going to turn us in?”

     Nott could feel Caleb straighten up and she briefly hoped he wasn’t readying another spell.

     Beau shifted a bit- she must have been considering it. Thankfully Jester had the sense to step in quickly.

     “No, we won’t turn you in to the police! You didn’t even take anything.”

     Fjord snorted in amusement, “And you sure as hell weren’t very sneaky about it. I mean… _Beau_ caught you.”

     “Oh, fuck you, Fjord!”

     He shrugged. “Look, we ain’t lookin to sell anyone out here- especially our neighbors. We’re just…well, we’re understandably a little spooked. I mean, Caleb, your little friend here picked the lock on the front door with no trouble at all! Now, those…kinds of skills, they don’t bode well.”

     Jester gasped, “Are you guys like, criminals or something?!” She smiled mischievously, “Because that would be, like, so cool!”

     Nott grimaced.

     “No.” Caleb said a little too quickly, “No, we are just, uh- we are-“

     “We ran away from our homes!” Nott interjected dramatically, “Because our love is _forbidden_! Isn’t that right, Caleb…uh, _sweetie_?”

     Caleb deflated, covering his face with both hands. “No. No, that is not-“

     “Aw!” Jester all but squealed with glee, “Fjord, they’re _lovers_!”

     Fjord and Beau shared a look and Caleb prayed they weren’t as gullible as their blue friend. Then they might _really_ call the police.

     “Yes! We’re- we are _lovers_ , forced into a life of petty crime because- because our families don’t approve of our romance!” Nott just had to egg her on. For what it was worth Jester practically had stars in her eyes.

     Caleb shook his head woefully. Not only did she start this mess, Nott just had to make up the most embarrassing cover story she’d used to date. This was now number 5 on the list of ‘Worst Lies Nott’s Ever Told To Keep Their Cover’ just below the time she panicked at a library and said Caleb had kidnapped her.

     “Nott,” Caleb said, “please. These two won’t buy it.”

     “Aw, rats.” She grumbled.

     Caleb thought for a brief moment, words lost to him. How could he possibly describe their situation concisely and with as little information as possible? These people didn’t deserve to know, and why did it matter? Soon enough the pair would move on to a different town as always. They never got too comfortable.

     “We-“ He paused, “We are just two people trying to stay alive.”

     Fjord seemed unsatisfied, “Well now that you gave us that very cryptic answer I’m curious. What are you two runnin’ from? Government? Police? Your shady past?”

     “All three.” Nott mumbled with a snicker.

     Beau nodded, “Alright, alright. That’s cool. We ourselves are not the most… _squeaky clean_ people. We’ve got some shady shit goin’ on. Right, Jester?”

     “Huh?” The tiefling must have been caught up in her own reverie about Nott and Caleb’s nonexistent romance, “Oh, yeah! We’re bad _bad_ people who do bad _bad_ things!”

     “What kinds of things?” Nott asked. Jester plopped to the ground in front of her, dress billowing out like she was some kind of princess.

     “Tax fraud!” She sang happily.

     “Jester, you’re not supposed to tell people that!” Beau scolded.

     “Oh, sorry! Not tax fraud.”

     Fjord eyed Beau warily as she retrieved her staff and twirled it, bringing the end slamming into the ground. The sound made Nott flinch and Caleb’s expression turned to stone. Beau crouched down to look him in the eye. She gestured to Nott.

     “Try to keep your friend from stealing our shit…or next time I will knock both of you into the etherial plane.” She nodded emphatically, “ _You better believe_.”

     “I do.” Caleb said, “I believe you. And I promise it will not happen again.”

     Beau gestured to Nott, “Make her promise too.”

     “Oh, I promise!” Nott all but yelled, “I ain’t gonna try to steal from you guys again!” She glanced between the three anxiously, “Uh…can we leave now?”

     Jester tilted her head, making a very exaggerated sad face, “Aw, don’t you want to stay for tea or something? You’re our neighbors! I want to be friends.”

     “Uh…” Nott was at a loss for words, “No thanks?”

     Jester shrugged and hopped up, kindly opening the door for them, “Well, come visit us sometime!”

     Caleb stood, offering a hand to Nott who hesitantly accepted, letting herself be briskly pulled out the door and across the hall.

     “And next time I knock open your door!” Jester called.

     “Don’t be strangers!” Beau added with a somewhat frightening edge to her voice.

     Once back inside apartment number 9 Nott hopped away as Caleb slammed the door behind them, making sure to triple lock it and set the magical alarm back in place. He sighed heavily and though his back was to her he knew Nott had taken her place curled into the corner of the couch. He leaned his head against the door, letting the relief of not having to commit murder wash over him.

     They stayed like that for a while. Caleb wanted to say something, but couldn’t muster the energy to decide what it was. He wasn’t mad at Nott. He could never really get mad at her. Sure she had her issues, but she was ashamed of them and probably felt more disdain for her addictions than Caleb himself did. And who was he to pass judgement on her when she had helped him out of countless scenarios where his own baggage had got them in trouble.

     It may not be practical to get drunk and swipe any shiny trinkit with wildly varying degrees of success, but to be fair it also wasn’t practical to just seize up in the middle of the street because there was a fire two doors down. In their own odd ways they completed each other.

     He felt a little bad, letting her stew in her own guilt, but for the time being he was tired. If she wanted to talk she would. Or maybe she wouldn’t.

     “Caleb?”

     She would.

     He turned to look at her. Just as he had expected Nott was pressed deep into the corner of the couch, curled in on herself, ears flat against her unkept mop of dark hair. Her large yellow eyes were indeed pitiful and her teeth did nothing to detract from her pained grimace.

     “Are you cross with me?” She asked.

     “…No,” Caleb croaked, “No, I am not angry.”

     “Because I _tried!_ I really tried not to, but _ugh_ I could just feel my skin _crawling_ and- and they had so many coins and shiny things and you weren’t- you- you weren’t here…” She trailed off in a small voice, picking at the edge of her hoodie with deft claws.

     “Nott?” She looked up, but avoided his gaze, “What do you usually do while I’m away?”

     “Well…I drink.” She said as if it were obvious, “And I wait for you to come back.”

     Caleb’s heart seized and he couldn’t help but go to her now. He sat next to her, gingerly pulling her little hands away from the frayed hem of her hoodie.

     “I should…I should have kept a better eye on you.” He said, “We need to look out for each other, ja?”

     She nodded, pitching forward and wrapping her skinny arms around him. He patted her back a bit awkwardly, but the sentiment was there.

     They would have to leave after a stunt like that. They would have to pack up as quick as they could and get out of dodge before the residents of apartment number 7 decided to call the police. They couldn’t go back to prison. Caleb wouldn’t let them go back to prison. Police didn’t want to deal with scum like goblins- the only good one is a dead one- as many say. Even Nott herself shared the sentiment. If they were caught she would be killed, it was that simple.

     Nott would be killed and Caleb would be thrown back into jail. And he knew for a fact if that happened he would never get out again.

     Maybe if they played along, got a little friendlier with the neighbors everything would be okay. For a while. They only needed a little borrowed time before they would eventually be evicted for not paying rent and move on to the next town, the next apartment, the next set of nosy neighbors. The idea already left Caleb with the ghost of a headache. Having to _play nice_ and go have _tea parties_. Well, if it was that or prison it wasn’t much of a choice. They would just have to tough it out. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Given the right circumstances they could probably fish a few gold coins out of the three. Maybe they would do The Money Pot- that one worked for a lot of gullible folks who weren’t familiar with magic.

     The more he thought on it the more things were almost looking up. Almost. They were certainly better than a little while ago, that was for sure. They could relax for the time being, and worry about the future later.

     For now Caleb was content in pretending. Pretending he wasn’t afraid, pretending the neighbors would leave them be, and pretending he didn’t notice when Nott snuck into his bed later that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few little notes for this au?
> 
> \- I'm getting a little creative with how everything would shake down in a modern setting so bear with me.  
> \- Since I'm writing this post episode 26 I'd like to write both Molly and Caduceus in there. I don't see why they can't both exist in the same space, I love them both.  
> \- I actually imagined the referenced library incident would go as follows: Caleb snoops around some public library, planning on checking out books and never bringing them back, and Nott's there with him kinda disguised as a little girl. They get separated and while looking for Caleb Nott is confronted by some kind librarian offering to help find her guardian. Caleb looks like he just crawled out of the garbage and is honestly a pretty shady character so after some back and forth Nott begins to panic and just blurts out that he kidnapped her. (Caleb smooth talked his way out of that one though with his 16 to charisma)  
> \- Fjord lives with Jester. They've been friends a while and Beau just kinda showed up at their doorstep looking for somewhere to hide from the Cobalt Soul. Now they pretty much all live together.  
> \- In this au Nott and Caleb are major fugitives like they're probably on some government watch list. Well, at least Caleb is. His face was probably all over the news- he had killed his parents and was sent to some asylum, broke out, got arrested, and broke out again and now has a goblin accomplice. The police are wary. They've been kinda drifting from place to place renting motels for short term or for longer stays in bigger cities like Zadash they rent an apartment, don't pay rent, and leave once the eviction notices start coming.
> 
> For now that's all I can think of! Stay tuned for chapter two, coming god knows when.


	2. Play Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I was working on and off for a good long while, but hey, it's here!
> 
> Nott and Jester deserve some bonding time! They're two halves of a whole detective agency, but for now they don't have too much in common. Maybe they'll get to cause some trouble later.
> 
> As for Caleb, he needs a shower.

 

     The pounding on the front door was as startling as it was unwelcome.

     Caleb- ever fearful and sure the police were about to break down their front door- shot out of bed, nearly knocking Nott onto the floor and stepping on Frumpkin’s tail in the process.

     Fire had already begun to seep into his hands, his fingers twitching as they grew black with soot. He approached the door with trepidation.

     The knocking was steady and relentless, echoing through the room and possibly the entire building. Caleb pressed his back against the wall next to the door, preparing to let loose a Fire Bolt on whoever would eventually break down the door.

     Of course the neighbors had called the cops, how could he have been so stupid? They should have left during the night, grabbed what few things they had and ran. There was a forest not too far from the outskirts of Zadash, they could have camped out there and moved on in the morning. But no, he had been foolish enough and tired enough to stay and put them both in danger.

     He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall, letting out a few shaky breaths. This was it. Any minute now whoever was banging on the door would surely break through.

     Though Caleb did not quite recognize the familiar pattern of sharp raps against the door- possibly due to lack of sleep or blinding fear- Nott did.

     She made it a point to groan loudly, hopping out of the glorious warmth of the bed- and their interrupted cuddle time- to stomp deliberately over to the front door. The knocking didn’t even hesitate.

     With all of the passive aggression her small green hands could muster the goblin undid all three locks on the door in a noisy performance- ignoring Caleb’s panicked look, and yanked the door open just enough to peek through.

     “What do you want?!” She shrieked at the invader- the evil destroyer of peace and harbinger of headaches.

     A blue freckled face was the first thing Caleb saw. The girl gave a sweet smile, seemingly unperturbed by Nott’s screaming and Caleb’s smoking hands.

     It was the tiefling girl from the day before. Why couldn’t Caleb remember her name? It was something unusual. Something like-

     “ _Jester._ ” Nott growled, “You woke me up!”

     “I’m sorry, Nott!” She crooned, “I just wanted to see if you guys wanted to come with us to the carnival!”

     The flames fizzled out as Nott threw a _look_ at Caleb from over her shoulder.

     “Uhhh…” Nott turned back to Jester, “We will have to… _respectfully_ …decline? Your invitation. To go with you. To this _'carnival'_.”

     Jester leaned in close against the doorframe and frowned, “Awww, why?” She whined. Caleb noticed she had her foot in the door and realized this was a girl who had probably never heard the word ‘no’ before. He could only hope Nott was stubborn enough to win out.

     “In case you haven’t noticed _my face_ , I’m not exactly in a position to go waltzing around Zadash all willy-nilly!” She groused, “Now go away.”

     She slammed the door, or at least tried to, but Jester’s foot kept enough space for her to stay, boldly creeping around the door to look into their apartment. “Wow, this place is empty!” She exclaimed, “You should get some paintings at least or something!”

     Caleb would have laughed, but he still wasn’t even entirely sure this was happening. Nott just leaned into the door, all 45 pounds of her trying to force the tiefling back out. Jester was not deterred in the slightest.

     “Come on! You guys must be so _bored!_ You never leave and your house is boring! And Nott, we can dress you up, no one will know!”

     Nott actually thought about this for a second, it seemed, giving Jester just enough leeway to slip into their apartment. Caleb stepped back to give her a wide berth.

     “This place is so sad…and dirty…and grey. Kind of like you, Caleb!” Jester chirped.

     “Caleb is _not_ dirty.” Nott said, punctuated with the slam of the front door, “He _just_ had a bath last…uh…last-”

     “Uh, Thursday.” Caleb supplied and it was as if Jester finally saw him, “Last Thursday.”

     “Last _Thursday_!? Gross! No wonder you smell. What about you, Nott?”

     “I… _don’t_ …?”

     Jester stared as though she couldn’t comprehend.

     “Goblins and water do not mix well.” Said Caleb, “They prefer to roll around in the dirt. Like Chinchillas.”

     “Oh!" Jester visibly relaxed, "I used to have one of those! Okay, Nott you’re off the hook for now. But Caleb! Go take a shower.”

     “...So it’s fine when she bathes in dirt, but when I do it, it’s weird.”

     Jester just tutted, gently turning him around and shoving him towards the hall, “ _Super_ weird, now hurry up! I have some friends I want you to meet!”

     Caleb sighed heavily, but obeyed and stalked off, resigned to his fate. Nott almost snickered, but the sound died in her throat as the tiefling woman turned her attention back to the goblin.

     “And _you_.”

     Nott paled, “Me?”

     “Yes!” Jester suddenly looked pensive, leaning back to observe Nott as if she was a particularly nasty math problem. “Hm…where do I even begin?”

     “Please don’t make me shower…”

     “That makes this a little harder, but I will never turn down a challenge!” Jester suddenly pulled her hot pink backpack from her shoulder, ripping it open and rifling around. With a flourish, the tiefling retrieved a hairbrush, smiling triumphantly. Nott couldn’t help but glower at the offensive tool.

     “Okie dokie!” Jester chirped as she hopped onto the couch, “Come here!” She patted the cushion next to her.

     Now was Nott’s turn to sigh heavily, dragging her feet all the way over and laboriously crawling onto the couch. She glared at the brush.

     “Let’s start small. Your hair is…like, _really_ messy…and greasy…have you _ever_ had a bath?!”

     Nott shrugged, “It rained last week. And a few months ago I fell in a river!”

     Jester’s face scrunched up, “That’s gross, but don’t worry. At least you don’t smell like Caleb!”

     “Caleb doesn’t smell…”

     “He does, but hopefully he won’t in a little while!”

     Nott almost cringed at the sound of the shower turning on. Jester gave a toothy grin, showing off some surprisingly pointy fangs.

     “Now turn around so I can brush your hair!”

     Nott begrudgingly turned her back to the tiefling, fully expecting to be strangled to death any second. The tugging of the brush through her matted hair was rather surprising, and not entirely welcomed. Though, it did help that Jester filled the silence.

     “You know when we moved in here I think some _really super old_ lady lived in your apartment, but we never really saw her, she was so quiet! And then she stopped coming out for a few months and then we started to smell something kinda funny.”

     Nott grimaced at an especially sharp tug of the brush. “Did she-?”

     “Oh, don’t worry! When the police finally broke down the door there wasn’t much left. She had a lot of cats and they got very hungry!” Jester laughed.

     Nott cast a sideways glance at Frumpkin, who waited patiently by the bathroom door. He seemed to return her stare knowingly. She shivered, but Jester continued on, unbothered.

     “ _Anyway_ , I was so happy to have new neighbors! The other ones don’t like to talk or are really mean!” She heaved a sigh, “I can’t believe Claudia called the police on me that one time…”

     Nott couldn’t believe she herself hadn’t called the police by now. They were practically being held hostage in their own home at this point.

     Three more drags of the brush and Jester hummed happily, “All done!”

     Nott couldn’t help but breath a sigh of relief, shaking off the uncomfortability of untangled hair like a wet dog. She went to climb over the back of the couch when Jester caught her by the arm.

     “Not so fast!” She scolded, “We still have to figure out…well…you are _very_ green.”

     “I know.” Nott said, “I have a mask!”

     Jester’s interest seemed piqued. She relinquished her grip, letting the goblin scramble off, returning quickly with half the face of a broken porcelain doll. Nott put it on, nimbly tying the ribbon that kept it in place.

     “See?” She crowed, somewhat muffled by the mask.

     Jester didn’t seem to share Nott’s enthusiasm.

     “Nott. That’s… _really_ cool. _But_ I am not so sure that people will be more…tricked into thinking you are a halfling than they will be terrified that you are a haunted doll.”

     “It’s worked so far. Mostly at night, though…”

     Jester leaned precariously over the back of the couch, “I was thinking I could like, do your makeup and it would be like one of those cool movie _montages_ with the _music_ and then I hand you a mirror and you’re like _‘Oh! I look so pretty, thank you Jester! You're my best friend!’_ Not that you aren’t _already_ pretty- you are very pretty, I just want to paint you.”

     Offensiveness aside, the idea of being _painted_ seemed extremely distasteful to Nott. “Wouldn’t the paint rub off?” She tried to reason, “What if sweat it all off!”

     Jester dug through her bag briefly to retrieve what looked like some odd little disc, “That’s what setting powder is for, _silly_! So what do you say? Can I do your makeup? _Please_?” the tiefling leaned forward even further, hands clasped before her pleadingly.

     Reluctantly, Nott untied her mask, gingerly placing it on the arm of the couch as she hopped back into her spot. She gave a weary sigh, screwing up her face as if the words pained her, “If you must…go ahead. Paint me.” She offered her arms to Jester who giggled with glee.

     “Yay! Trust me, I’m _really_ good at this. You’ll look just like a little halfling lady in no time!”

     “Sounds wonderful.” It did not sound wonderful. “I am your canvas.” Nott really did not want to be this tiefling’s canvas and oh, _Gods_ she was already rifling through that giant bag of hers again.

     “So! What color would you like to be?”

     “Preferably a halfling color?”

     “ _Right_. Right. Something fleshy…like Beau!”

     Nott watched as Jester pulled several odd bottles and boxes from her bag. “Was she the one who tried to whack me with that big stick?”

     “Yes!” Jester laughed, “And I will make her say sorry for that!…But it _was_ kind of funny.”

     “She hit Caleb.”

     “And I will make her say sorry to him too!”

     Satisfied with this decree, Nott curled into the corner of the couch, eyeing Jester with waning distrust.

     “Ah! Here it is! I think this shade will look good on you!”


	3. Painted Lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I've kind of settled into a schedule of updating like once a month, but hey, better than never, right? Well I think I just had to get this chapter out of the way before we get to the good stuff (i.e. meeting Molly and Caduceus!)
> 
> Enjoy!

 

     Nott scratched at the paint on the back of her hands, sitting uncomfortably in the back of the cramped little Honda as it sped down the freeway. She was snugly packed between Beau and Caleb- maybe more Caleb than Beau- Nott tried her best to lean away from the abrasive woman who was busy scowling out the window.

     It just might have been one of the most uncomfortable situations the pair had ever found themselves in- besides jail, but that went without saying. Caleb, now squeaky clean and unbearably well-dressed, and Nott, practically painted from head to toe.

     She had to admit, it _was_ pretty convincing, though some of her more distinctly goblin features still shone through- namely her jagged teeth and yellow eyes.

     Nott was hesitant to admit it was a better disguise than her mask, but it did feel… _satisfying_ to look in the mirror without seeing all that green. She wasn’t sure she appreciated it, though- especially when Jester referred to the makeover as ‘helping the less fortunate’.

 

* * *

 

     “Okay, you guys!” Jester called from the hallway, clapping her hands together with barely contained excitement, “Time to see how you look after your _really super awesome_ makeovers courtesy of yours truly!”

     Nott stood behind the door to the bedroom, less than amused with the whole escapade. The paint caked all over her face and hands made her feel claustrophobic in her own skin and the hood of her- or rather _Jester’s_ \- uncomfortably pink, fluffy jacket made her ears itch. So there she stood, glowering at the door- and by extension the tiefling behind it.

     Caleb- who wasn’t faring any better- stared at the other side of the bathroom door with quiet resignation. He felt almost naked without his natural layer of grime- and even more so now that he was wearing an unfamiliar pair of pants that sure _felt_ three sizes too small, no matter how much Jester whined they were _still_ baggy.

     “Are you ready, _Cay_ -leb?” Jester’s voice came lilting through the door.

     “Ja.” He replied.

     “Great! Nott! Are _you_ ready?”

     A very muffled voice came through the door- _“Ready to slit your throat…”_

     Caleb forced down a laugh.

     “ _What was that, Nott?_ ”

     Nott grimaced, tapping her foot in a rapid staccato. “I said yes!” She called with mock cheer through gritted teeth.

     “Okay! Both of you come out on the count of three!”

     Caleb took a deep breath, still fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt.

     “ _One…_ ”

     Nott pulled at the pom-pom drawstrings of the jacket, irritably.

     “ _Two…_ ”

     Jester squeaked delightedly, bouncing on her toes, “ _Three!_ ”

     Both doors swung open at the same time, and both of them screamed.

     “What did you do to Caleb? He looks so different!” Nott wrinkled her nose, “And he _smells_ funny too!”

     Caleb’s shoulders shook with barely suppressed laughter. He couldn’t even _look_ at Nott so he opted to stare at the ground instead, “Who is this halfling woman? I’ve never seen her before.”

     “Oh, _come on_ you guys!” Jester whined, “You both look so good, like actual people and not dirty hobos!”

     Nott groaned, “Sure, Caleb is a dirty hobo, but he’s _my_ dirty hobo.”

     “That’s… _very_ sweet, but look at how clean he is! He smells good now and his clothes aren’t all baggy and sad!”

     Nott crossed her arms and gave him a proper once-over, “Yeah.” She conceded, “He is _very_ handsome. As usual.”

     “Awww! _Very_ nice! Haha, now his ears are red! Caleb! Now you tell Nott how pretty she is!”

     Caleb, now thoroughly reddened from the sudden onslaught of attention, couldn’t help but shake his head, “You are lovely, Nott. _As usual._ ”

     “ _Oh,_ ” Nott grinned, pulling the hood of the jacked down further, “you’re just sayin’ that.”

     Jester clapped gleefully, “ _Perfect_ , now lets go, come on! We get free tickets if Yasha’s still on ticket duty!”

     Seizing both of them by the arms, the tiefling dragged Nott and Caleb out the front door.

     “Ah, wait, Jester, I just need to grab my-“

     She slammed the door behind them with her foot.

     “- _keys._ ” Caleb sighed.

 

* * *

 

     “Hey.” Beau’s gruff voice made Nott jump, “Caleb?- It’s Caleb, right?”

     The man’s eyes widened apprehensively, “Uh, yes?”

     Beau’s whole body tensed as if rejecting what she was struggling to say, “Yesterday I hit you with my- my Bo- my staff?…Sorry about that.”

     Jester’s purple eyes reflected back at the three through the rearview mirror, “Good job Beau, I’m _very_ proud of you!”

     “Thanks, Jester.”

     “Yeah,” Fjord agreed from the passenger’s seat, “much more sincere than last time.”

     “I know, _right?_ ”

     Caleb noticed Beau’s expectant stare and nodded hesitantly, “Oh, uh, yeah. Apology accepted.”

     Beau returned her stare to the window, “Cool, cool.”

     Nott rolled her eyes, thoroughly fed up with the tedious car ride.

     “Are we _there_ yet?” She groused, pulling at the seatbelt. She felt trapped like a rat in a cage.

     “Oh, we are like, _so close_ you have _no idea._ ” Said Jester.

     Caleb leaned over to whisper to Nott, “ _What she means is we are already here, she has been trolling the parking lot for 15 minutes._ ”

     Figures. Nott was too small to really see out the front windshield.

     Jester suddenly slammed on the breaks and Nott grimaced as Caleb’s head hit the back of the driver’s seat with a _thump_.

     “We’re here!” She announced happily, throwing her hands up.

     “Ow.” Caleb grumbled. Nott patted his knee in reassurance, shooting Jester a nasty look.

    “Beau, go seduce Yasha into giving us free tickets!” Jester shouted to the woman who had already kicked her way out of the backseat and disappeared.

     From outside Nott could already hear the whirring of carnival rides and the chatter of a crowd. Suddenly she itched for a swig of some good whiskey. She hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet and her nerves were fried.

     Jester whipped around to stare at the two, who stared back owlishly from the backseat.

     “Do you guys like _cotton candy_?”

     All she got were blank looks.

     The tiefling gasped dramatically, “Have you guys never had it? It’s like a sugar thing where they take sugar and spin it around in a thing and it turns into like a _nest_ of sugary candy! And then they put it on a stick!”

     “Jester,” Fjord chuckled, “why don’t ya let them see for themselves?”

     “Right, good idea!”

     Making quick work of her fight with the seatbelt, Jester sprang from the car, taking off only to reappear on the other side to haul Fjord from his seat, “Come on, come on! You guys are going to have so much fun! And Caleb you’re going to love my friend Molly, he’s _super_ fun.”

     “Oh, boy.” Caleb moaned, “This is a lot.”

     Nott signed, grabbing Caleb’s hand and pulling him out of the car, “As long as we stick together, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

 

* * *

 

     “Yasha! Babe, It’s so good to see you!”

     Yasha- a large, pale woman- smiled, “It’s good to see you too, Beau.”

     “Yeah,” Beau leaned casually on the counter of the ticket booth, “been a while since the carnival was in town. How…how ya been?”

     “ _‘How ya been?’_ ” Fjord chuckled, but quieted when Jester elbowed him in the ribs.

     “ _Be quiet,_ she’s doing her best!”

     Beau shot the pair a nasty look, but returned her attention to Yasha, plastering on a strained, but well-practiced grin, “You come here often?”

     Yasha chuckled softly, “Are you trying to get me to give you free tickets?”

     “Yes…?”

     “You do not have to try so hard. 3 tickets?”

     “ _Actually,_ ” Jester released Fjord, instead hooking her arm through Caleb’s and pulling him forward, “we brought some new friends!”

     Yasha’s hulking frame was thoroughly intimidating, even when confined to the small plywood shack of a ticket booth. Nott made sure to stay as hidden as she could.

     “Yasha, this is Caleb, he’s our new neighbor! And-“ Jester spun around, searching for the smallest member of the group, who she found hiding behind Caleb, “ _there you are_ \- this is Nott!”

     Nott peered at the woman from around Caleb’s hip.

     “Oh…uh, hello.” Yasha gave a hesitant wave.

     Jester suddenly lunged forward, tail lashing like a cat’s, “ _Nott is a goblin, but don’t tell anyone!_ Also I did her makeup, doesn’t she look like a cute little halfling lady?”

     Nott tensed as blue and purple eyes glanced over her. Caleb moved to push Nott further behind him and out of view, but without the added bulk of his large coat it was like hiding behind the leg of a chair. She noticed his hand smoldering and quickly grabbed it.

     “Uh…” Yasha looked only mildly perturbed, “okay? So 5 tickets, then?”

     “Yes please!”

     Caleb visibly slumped, squeezing Nott’s hand. _That_ was a close call.

     Yasha slid the tickets through the window to Jester who seized them happily, turning to the group.

     “Let’s go have some _fun!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Notes for this A.U.
> 
> -Yasha and Molly are workers at the Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival which is basically just the carnies and their acts as well as some less than safe carnival rides. They do odd jobs for the carnival be it ticket-taking, fortune telling, lifting things, or operating rides!  
> -The carnival travels, but they stop in Zadash pretty frequently because it's their best city for business. That's how Jester, Fjord, and Beau met Molly and Yasha.  
> -Caduceus has yet to appear here, but he does volunteer to help out at the carnival when it comes to town! It gets pretty lonely out there in the woods.  
> -I pictured Jester driving like...a blue Honda civic I don't know why, it just seemed to fit her. (Her mom bought her the car. And pays her half of the rent for her and Fjord's apartment)


	4. Thirsty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Couldn't find a great place to break it off and I'm being a real tease with how little screen time Molly gets but don't worry the next chapter will focus more on Caleb and Molly with poor Fjord along for damage control.

 

     The tiefling woman laughed, spinning gleefully, her blue dress billowing around her like an umbrella. She looked like at kid at…well, the carnival.

     Caleb found her freckled face and childish disposition endearing when she wasn’t trying to kick in the door to their apartment. In a different life, he mused, they might have been friends.

     Fjord, despite his height, seemed to shrink within himself. He may have been big and green, but he truly did know how to disappear in a crowd. He made flying under the radar an art form, simply moseying along after Jester, keeping one eye on her antics. Nott had already noticed the tiefling knocking over a display or two- occasionally stopping to add some graffiti to any nearby surface with a large sharpie she kept tucked behind one ear.

     Beau was less than impressed, taking her place at the back of the group. She was an interesting one, Caleb thought. She reminded him of an irate, grumbling teenager- likely because she was one.

     Her staff abandoned, she kept a brisk pace behind them- Caleb could practically _feel_ her icy stare on his back. She was still suspicious of them. He would have to look out for Beau.

     Jester twirled her way to a stop next to a well-worn and ramshackle carousel, hands planted firmly on her hips, tail swaying curiously behind her.

     “Okay! Time to split up! Me and Nott and Beau are going to go have _girl time_! Fjord- you go take Caleb to meet Molly so you can have _boy time_. We can meet back here in like…a few hours.”

     Nott tugged at Caleb’s sleeve, “What’s _‘girl time’_? What does that mean?”

     Before he could answer Beau clipped past him to stand next to Jester, “It means the _ladies_ are gonna go have some quality time. Y’know,” She stared hard at Nott, “get to know each other a bit.”

     “Yeah! We’re going to go get our faces painted, and ride rides, and you can meet my other friend Caduceus! He’s _very_ tall, and _very_ soft, and _very nice_ , I think you will like him!” Jester had already looped her arm through Beau’s.

     Nott turned to Caleb, “ _Don’t leave me with these people._ ”

     With a quick glance to the surrounding area, Caleb deemed this was a conversation that was safe to have in public.

     “Nott, _the Brave_.” He knelt so he could look her in the eye, “We will be… _okay._ ” He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself. Which he was. Kind of.

     “I don’t-“

     “We are in the same place.” He tapped his temple, “And Frumpkin is never far.”

     Nott nodded, because Caleb was right, he was _always_ right, but still clung to him as Jester began dragging her away. She refused to let go of Caleb’s hand.

     “No! No!”

     Caleb, for his part, managed not to laugh at how ridiculous they must have looked, because truthfully, he didn’t want to let go either. “I know, I _know_. Just…go with Jester. Go.”

     “No!”

     Jester tugged at Nott’s shoulder, “Come on! You’ll be fine, it’ll be _lots_ of fun, I promise.”

     Nott whined, but reluctantly released her wizard. She turned her attention to Fjord next, yellow eyes glowing with malice.

     “ _You take care of him._ ” She growled.

     Fjord looked a bit taken aback, but managed to nod. He almost seemed afraid of her! _Good_. He should be.

     Caleb watched with an aching heart as his little friend was spirited away by Jester and Beau until the three were out of his sight. He finally heaved a sigh and stood, turning to the half-orc.

     “So, uh…” Fjord shuffled awkwardly, “I guess I should…take you to meet Molly, then.”

 

* * *

 

     Even from a distance, the tiefling’s coat was as loud as the rest of him.

     Practically dripping with jewelry, the ostentatious man leaned languidly against the control panel of the ride, tail flicking behind him like a cat’s.

     “Hey, Molly!” Fjord called from below, “Got someone here I want ya to meet!”

     The tiefling’s eyes found him immediately, a rather sharp grin spreading across his face.

     Relaxation forgotten, he hopped to attention with a jingle of jewelry, pressing a few buttons that brought the spinning attraction to an immediate halt.

     “Alright, alright! Everyone get off, I’m going on smoke break!” He called to the patrons with a lilting accent.

     Children complained loudly, one young girl piping up over the rest, “You don’t even smoke, Mr. Molly!”

     The tiefling scoffed, pointing an accusatory finger, “ _Yeah?_ Well your attitude is about to make me start. Buzz off.”

     The kids all filed out, the last stopping only to give the tiefling a hardy punch in the arm. He made an exaggerated face of pain, but smiled and ruffled the kid’s hair.

     With the last of the kids off the ride, he slammed the gate, hopped the short metal fence of the platform and landed in front of the two with a flourish. As he righted himself and adjusted his coat his blood red eyes focused on Caleb who suddenly felt that the center of this man’s attention was not somewhere he wanted to be.

     “ _Well,_ ” The tiefling purred, “Hello tall, green, and handsome! Looks like you’ve brought me some fresh meat.”

     “Molly, this is our new neighbor, Caleb.”

     “ _Caleb_ , well, Mr. Caleb, it’s a pleasure. Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to my friends.”

     Caleb deliberately stuffed his hands in his pockets, praying he could avoid a handshake, “It is…nice to meet you, Mr. Mollymauk-“

     “ _Please_ , just Molly. Any friend of my friends is a friend of mine!”

     “… _Mr._ Molly. I am Caleb. Caleb Widogast.”

     “Well, I am to understand this is your first time experiencing the glorious masterpiece that is the Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival. Am I correct in that assumption?”

     “Uh…yes?”

     “Figured. Jester texted me earlier. _Wonderful!_ ” The purple tiefling gave a predatory grin, seizing Caleb’s arm and towing him in a seemingly innocuous direction, Fjord trailing closely behind, “I’ll be sure to show you a good time, then!”

 

* * *

 

     Nott needed a fucking _drink_.

     She had nothing to do with her hands, so she had opted to fiddle with the jacket’s pompom drawstrings, tying them and untying them to suppress the growing _itch_ that was beginning to suffocate her beneath all the makeup.

     Beau stalked behind her, which only intensified Nott’s paranoia. She was getting twitchy and what if something happened to Caleb? What if something happened to _Frumpkin_ so she didn’t know if something happened to Caleb? What if something happened to _her_? What if, what if, _what if?!_

     Nott stopped dead in her tracks, turning on Beau with an irrational, barely contained rage that only a goblin with an empty flask could possess.

     “Why do you keep  _following_ me?” She demanded.

     Beau must have seen the crazed look in her eye, because something in her went from standoffish to just guarded.

     “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She answered coolly.

     “You’re always _behind me!_ Like you’re just _waiting_ to slit my throat!”

     “Oh, Nott,” Jester chimed, “Beau would _never_ do that! She’s very sweet, aren’t you, Beau?”

     “Eh? More or less?”

     “And if she was going to slit your throat she wouldn’t do it _here!_ There are _way_ too many witnesses. That would be _stupid._ ”

     Nott could applaud the sentiment, but found no comfort in it. She was in _public_ , without Caleb, with two strangers, an empty flask, no mask, and absolutely _no_ means of defending herself besides her claws and teeth.

     Beau stared at the goblin as if appraising her.

     “Yeah.” She nodded, “We should get her to Caduceus, maybe he can do that thing? Y’know, he does that _thing_ with his staff and suddenly you feel real good?”

     Nott’s eyes widened, “ _WHAT?_ ”

     “Oh, yeah! Calm Emotions!” Jester supplied.

     “What’s that?”

     “It is a spell that makes you calm down for a little while! Come on, let’s do it, you’ll feel so much better!”

     “ _No!_ ” Nott shrieked, “No spells! Any magic kills a goblin _instantly!_ ”

     Beau made a face, “I’m like… _98%_ sure that’s bullshit, but if it _isn’t_ , that would be hilarious.”

     “I guess we’ll just have to see!”

     With that Jester hopped away, Beau shuffling behind, trapping Nott between them with no choice but to follow.

     The sounds of the carnival converged on Nott like a pack of hungry wolves and without her mask she felt naked. The rides were too loud, children screaming like some hellish chorus, even her own footsteps in the gravel were deafening. If she wasn't sweating off all the makeup at this point, it would be a miracle.

     The sun was glaring and the sky was cloudless, making for a rather bright and obnoxious setting. As a creature whose eyes were better suited for a dark forest, Nott’s headache was practically doubled, her only solace being that she could still hide behind a curtain of thick green-black hair.

     Even more colorful and eye-straining than the rides or multi-colored signs was the tiefling man she suddenly spotted across the way. A tiefling practically _hanging_ off of _her_ wizard! _Her_ Caleb!

     The purple menace was laughing boisterously, arm wrapped around Caleb’s shoulders. Poor Caleb looked _miserable!_

     The noise of the carnival taking a backseat to her sudden annoyance, Nott couldn’t help but growl low in her throat as she stalked towards the two. She was gonna _bite_ someone before the day was done and it _sure as the nine hells was gonna be that godsdamned-_

     A blue hand caught the goblin’s shoulder, spinning her around and pushing her forward, “Keep up!”

     When she looked back the two were gone. Just as well. It’s not like it would be hard to forget someone so loud.

     The girls led Nott towards a grassier part of the carnival where the tamer attractions sat beneath tarp canopies strung up in the sparse and dying fruit trees of what would typically be a vacant lot. One particular booth seemed to be their destination- a collection of plastic tables loaded with glitter, pompoms, and popsicles sticks, a large cardboard sign deeming it the ‘Arts and Crafts’ booth. Besides the few small children who made trinkets- or in one’s case ate glue- a tall figure sat at the front table, fiddling with some pipe cleaners. A firbolg man, tall and lanky, with a rather glorious mane of pink hair that matched his eyes.

     “ _Caduceus!_ ” Jester yelled, sliding across the table and scattering popsicle sticks and glitter into the grass, “I missed you!” She sang as she draped herself over the man’s shoulder.

     “What’s up, ‘Deuces.” Beau drawled.

     The firbolg smiled serenely, “It’s good to see you too Jester, Beau.” His eyes land on Nott, “Oh, and I see you’ve brought a friend. Hello, there.”

     Nott couldn’t help but shrink back, already intimidated by the man’s size, “Hi…?”

     “Caduceus, this is our new neighbor, Nott! Nott, this is Caduceus, he lives in the forest in a _cemetery!_ ”

     “ _Graveyard_ , actually. It’s nice to meet you, Miss Nott. I’m Caduceus. Caduceus Clay.”

     Jester tugged on one of his large, floppy, grey ears, “ _She’s actually a goblin lady_ , but don’t tell anyone! I did her makeup!”

     Caduceus didn’t seem to react, just nodding sagely as if he had already known, “Oh. Alright then. So, Nott, how are you liking the carnival so far?”

     “That’s actually why we’re here.” Beau interjected, “She’s a little…crowd shy? She could use some _calm emotions_ if you catch my drift.” She winked dramatically.

     “No, _no!_ ” Nott piped up, “I don’t need any spells! Don’t cast anything on me!”

     Caduceus tilted his head, considering her for a brief moment before turning to Jester, “I’m not going to cast anything on anyone who doesn’t want it, that would just be… _rude._ ”

     “I don’t need _magic!_ ” Said Nott, “I need a _drink!_ ”

     “Oh.” Beau seemed nonplussed, “Why didn’t you just say so? I always carry a water bottle filled with vodka.” She rooted through her shoulder bag for a second to retrieve it.

     “ _What?_ ” Jester looked shocked, “I did not know you did that!”

     “Well, only when I hang out with _you._ ”

     “You _live_ with me!”

     “So, yeah, all the time.”

     Nott snatched the bottle from Beau’s hands, taking greedy gulps until the world went warm and fuzzy, her previously painful sobriety forgotten.

     Jester and Caduceus watched on in concern.

     “…I don’t think that’s very healthy.” He muttered.

     “It _isn’t_.” Nott panted, throwing the now empty bottle back at Beau, and taking a deep breath, “ _Okay_. Alright. Everything’s good and fuzzy again, and I will refrain from attacking anyone.”

     “…If there was ever anyone who needed an A.A. meeting it’s you. And also me- but mostly _you_.” Said Beau, stuffing away the empty bottle and pulling out another- most likely also filled with vodka.

     Nott couldn’t even find it within herself to disagree. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t be bitter about it.

     “ _Whatever._ ” She growled, snatching the second bottle and downing it without a second thought.

     “ _Hey!_ That was my backup vodka!”

     Jester quickly wiped the uneasy look off her face, wrapping her arms around Caduceus’ thin shoulders, “So, what are you doing here this year? Just the craft table?”

     “Oh,” He finally managed to tear his eyes away from such an unsettling display of alcoholism, “well, yes. I came earlier so I could bring a friend of mine some vegetables for his cooking show, but I guess they needed some help with…kiddy corner.”

     “Aw, that’s so cute!” Jester suddenly gasped, hands flying to her cheeks, almost smacking the poor firbolg in the process, “Have you seen _Kiri?_ Is she here?”

     He shook his head, “Sorry to say I haven’t seen her, but I’ll be sure to let you know if I do.”

     Beau finally turned her attention away from the goblin and to the now sulking Jester, “Alright, let’s leave poor ‘Deuces to his babysitting. C’mon, Jester. Jester? Jester, you’re strangling him.” She practically had to pry the girl from Caduceus, who still seemed relatively unfazed.

     “You better call me the _second_ you see feathers or I will bring the wrath of The Traveler upon you!” Jester warned. Caduceus only chuckled.

     “I’ll have you on speed dial, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More AU Notes!!!
> 
> -Caduceus lives in the woods all alone and doesn't get out much so he likes to help out when the carnival comes to town. This particular time he wanted to bring some vegetables from his garden to his friend for a cooking show. What cooking show, you may ask? Well, Sizzle It Up With Taako of course! ;)  
> -Molly isn't a jerk, I promise, kids love him. (He means well, he just comes off as a dick sometimes).  
> -Kiri could appear! Jester and Beau babysit her from time to time.  
> -Soon enough Nott gets to steal stuff. It's what she deserves.  
> -Beau is wary of Caleb and Nott because they pretty much broke into their apartment, but that's not all. She knows _exactly_ who they are.


	5. Mr. Tealeaf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This was about to get way too long so I had to split it into two chapters!

 

     “So, Mr. Caleb, anything tickle your fancy?” Molly purred, one arm wrapped uncomfortably tight around the wizard’s thin shoulders.

     “Not particularly, no.” said Caleb, who tried his very best to lean _away_ from the tiefling.

     “Ah, tough customer!” Molly laughed, suddenly pulling Caleb in another direction. Fjord adjusted course behind them. “We’ll make a carnival lover out of you yet! Ever been on a roller coaster?”

     Caleb glanced back just in time to see Fjord shake his head.

     “Now, _Molly_ , let’s not-“

     The tiefling suddenly stopped short, “ _Or_ ,” There was a hint of wicked mischief in his voice, “would you prefer to have your fortune told?”

     Fjord’s face twisted in a sort of discontent with the idea, but if he had any protests he didn’t voice them. Caleb, grateful for the option of an activity that wasn’t so… _active_ , nodded.

     “Uh, _Ja_ , that- that sounds good.”

     “Excellent! Right this way!”

     Still glued to the tiefling, Caleb was all but dragged through the carnival grounds, only half-listening as Mollymauk rattled on about upcoming performances of one variety or another. Apparently their carnival had performances such as fire breathing, sword swallowing- even contortionists. Mollymauk was an animated storyteller, waving his hands and laughing at his own jokes. The wizard tried to tune him out.

     For a moment Caleb thought he might have seen Nott through the crowd, but his attention was pulled back to Molly who had just said something that sounded like a question and _shit he wasn’t paying attention._

     “Oh, uh, sorry, what was that?”

     “I asked where you were from. I can’t say I recognize your accent.”

     Caleb grimaced. Best to keep answers vague.

     “I am from the Zemni Fields.”

     “Ah, near Rexxentrum? We’ve passed through there once or twice. _Lovely_ in the springtime.”

     Caleb couldn't help but laugh at such a blatant lie, but nodded anyway. His home town was miserable in the springtime- the streets still filled with the slush of winter snow. Spring just meant the blizzards turned to rainstorms.

     As he stared at the clear blue skies of Zadash Caleb felt a sort of homesickness. Or at least a close approximation. It was hard to be homesick when you didn’t have a home anymore.

_And whose fault is that?_

     When he finally notices the large, purple tent he can’t say he’s surprised. It’s as ostentatious as Mollymauk- flanked by golden pillars, banners, fringe, and glitter. Extremely gaudy.

     Molly pulled aside the tent flap in a grand gesture- ushering Fjord and Caleb inside. It was dimly lit from the small opening in the top- effectively making a spotlight for the wooden table that bore a particularly over-the-top crystal ball.

     Fjord eyed it suspiciously, but seemed resigned to whatever was about to happen, settling himself onto a nest of pillows off to the side and pulling out his phone.

     “You aren’t actually gonna use that thing again, are you?” The half-orc asked, gesturing to the crystal ball with the resignation of someone who had definitely been party to Mollymauk’s shenanigans more than enough times.

     “What? _No!_ ” Molly feigned innocence, none too gracefully knocking the ball off of the table and kicking it into a corner, “Come, come, Mr. Caleb, have a seat- _if you dare!_ ”

     Caleb looked to Fjord who shrugged. _I guess I do dare, then._

     So with that he sat across the table from the tiefling who had already pulled a deck of tarot cards from some hidden coat pocket and was shuffling through them with a practiced ease.

     “So,” Molly’s blood red eyes were hooded as he fanned the cards out in front of him, “ _Mr. Caleb_ , pick three. And- Gods willing- these cards will tell me your destiny.”

     That was certainly a bunch of bullshit, but as long as he was here, Caleb might as well indulge this _Mollymauk_ in his odd game.

     Reluctantly, he pulled three cards from the tiefling’s perfectly manicured fingers. Molly grinned, showing off a pair of pearly white fangs as Caleb placed the cards face down on the table.

     “ _Now_. Let us see what’s in store for you…” Said the tiefling, moving the cards an equal distance from each other.

     “Keep it PG, now.” Fjord grumbled, not even bothering to look up from his phone. Molly scoffed.

     “What good’s a reading without all the gory details? Now, for your first card-“ He flipped the left card, “The Hermit- reversed. You’re a lonely man, Caleb. You seem to have lost your way and in the process you’ve isolated yourself from everyone. Maybe now will be the time to…branch out, make friends.”

     Caleb grimaced, but nodded along. He knew any accuracy could be chalked up to the broadness of the statement. Nothing to worry about.

     Molly flipped the second card, looking at it apprehensively for a brief moment before training his expression back into one of neutrality.

     “The Tower. Upright,” He paused, “uh. Nothing to worry about, _necessarily_ , but…you’re in for a sudden upheaval. Something-…something’s coming your way. Possibly something not so nice, but! You should be _fine_. Like I said, nothing to worry about.”

     He flipped the last card and retracted his hand with a skeptical hum.

     “ _Death_. Reversed. Don’t panic! It…doesn’t mean anyone’s dying. It means…” He bit his lip, “It means you’re afraid of change. You’ve been holding on to something you shouldn’t and it’s made your life stagnant.” He laughed, “I guess the cards are telling you to loosen up. Have fun!”

     Caleb was skeptical about that.

     “Do you often tell fortunes, Mr. Mollymauk?”

     “Only sometimes. And not for free, so consider yourself lucky! These all seeing eyes don’t come cheap!” He smiled, “But in all honesty this isn’t my tent. I’m sure the _actual_ fortune-teller won’t mind.”

     Molly leaned back in his chair, turning to look at the half-orc.

     “And _you._ ”

     Fjord looked up from his phone like a deer caught in a car’s headlights. The tiefling smiled, pulling a previously hidden card from his coat sleeve.

     “Oh! _The Lovers!_ You got a special lady in your life, huh Fjord?”

     Fjord frowned, “That is _not_ what the card means.”

     “Oh, _really_? You really think so? How about you get over here and tell _my_ fortune if you know so much?”

     “I’ll pass on _that_ , thank you kindly.”

     Molly leaned closer to Caleb, “Poor fella, head over heels for Jester and he doesn’t even know it.”

     “I _did not_ hear that.” Fjord groused, sinking deeper into the pillow pile.

     “Foreshame!” The tiefling cried, “She _just_ texted me that she thinks you are- and I quote- _‘like really totally super cute!’_ ” The approximation of Jester’s voice was weird and off-pitch coming from Molly.

     Fjord just shook his head.

     Molly shrugged, suddenly waving a dismissive hand, “Eh, lost cause. What about you, Caleb?”

     “…What about me?” Caleb asked warily.

     “You got a lover?”

     “Oh, ah, _no._ ” Caleb shook his head emphatically, “No.”

     Molly grinned, “So does that mean you’re available?”

     Fjord grimaced, his tone warning, “ _Molly-_ ”

     “ _Kidding_ , kidding! I’m kidding, please, Fjord, holster your guns.” Molly laughed, hands raised placatingly, “I reserve my shameless flirting for Mr. Clay.”

     “It’d be a _shame_ if Caduceus found out you were bein’ so unfaithful.” Fjord chuckled.

     “He’ll never know, besides he isn’t even here today.”

     “You so sure ‘bout that? Jester’s with him _right now._ ”

     The tiefling’s easy grin falters, just for a second. “And how would you know that?” he asked through gritted teeth.

     Fjord waved his phone, “Just told me so.”

     Caleb, who could practically _see_ the gears turning in Molly’s head, seized the opportunity to once again take attention away from himself, “Uh, I have not met this ‘Caduceus’. Perhaps we could meet up with the others?”

     Molly hopped up from the table almost immediately and pulled Fjord from his spot in the pillow nest, ignoring any protests.

     “Come on then! Up, up! Poor Caleb over here hasn't had the pleasure of meeting our dear Mr. Clay!” The tiefling was already up and out of the tent before either could stop him.

     “Sorry ‘bout that,” Fjord drawled, holding the tent flap open for Caleb, “Molly can sometimes come off a little…”

     “Excessive? Extravagant? Ostentatious? Audacious? Gaudy-“

     “ _-Yes._ ”

     “…Hm.” Caleb watched as Molly disappeared into the crowd in a flash of purple and sequins, “I have certainly met stranger.”

     “Trust me, you get used to it.”

     “…Does he realize he is going the wrong way?”

     Fjord shrugged, stalking off back in the direction they had come from, “He’ll figure it out eventually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for this AU!
> 
> -In the midst of writing this I realized I had no idea how Molly and Caduceus would interact, but I really wanted to see them together! Here’s how it goes- Molly really likes ‘Deuces because they’ve kinda known each other for a while. Molly likes to flirt with him, but Cad isn’t putting up with any of Molly’s bullshit. Also they’re secretly pretty close for reasons I will disclose in future chapters ;)  
> -Fjord has seen Molly scare people off with his...odd fortunes? Molly isn't super charismatic.  
> -Next chapter is gonna be...real chaotic. All of The Mighty Nein will finally be in the same place at the same time!  
> -Lowkey some Fjord/Jester because...because.  
> -Caleb's extremely foreboding fortune is _definitely_ not a foreshadowing of what is yet to come. Not at all. ;)


	6. Brave and Bold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Back with chapter 6! Pacing is tough, but I'm working on it. Man, I have an enormous page of notes going for this AU and hopefully when the story is finished I can add those as bonus chapters because...I've been doing a lot of ridiculous research. Anyway, here's chapter 6
> 
> And before I forget here's [The Wildemount's Most Wanted SoundTrack!](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLs0kFMq2FW3H2z42EuIle2cCcwCu0RzWd)
> 
> I'm probably gonna keep adding to it, but yeah most of the songs apply to the story- others not so much, they're more...jokes? I picture this story more like a movie and so far, this would be the music for it.

 

     Jester leaned against the rickety plastic table, tail swaying lazily behind her like a viper. She seemed extremely focused on…whatever project it was she was in the process of dumping an obscene amount of glitter on, and Nott was willing to bet that whatever was under that pile of glitter was dick-shaped.

     Caduceus- who had previously been making pipe cleaner flowers- had now moved on to damage control. Keeping Jester contained was an ultimately futile effort, but hey Nott had to give him props for even trying. Between Jester making a mess and Beau burning herself with the hot glue gun the poor firbolg was spread pretty thin- and that was ideal for some good old fashion thievery. To calm the nerves.

     After bending a few pipe cleaners into some very interesting shapes, and maybe even tying some of them together with yarn, Nott decided the coast was clear enough to swipe as many little buttons, beads, and sequins as she could. After a while her pockets sounded like maracas when she moved, but it was worth it.

     It was all a little chaotic, but…nice. These people were nice, Nott was a big enough person to admit that. It had been a long while since she actually got to _talk_ with people who weren’t Caleb. And Caleb was great! She had no complaints there- when it came down to it _he_ was all she really needed, but _this_ …this was nice. For now.

     For now Nott could appreciate how Caduceus looked the other way when she grabbed another handful of shiny little beads from the jar.

     That was until the calm of of the moment was broken by a particularly loud and lilting voice calling, “Caduceus!”

     Nott watched the firbolg’s ears droop at the sound of a very _loud_ and very _purple_ someone calling his name and _of fucking course._

     It was that obnoxious tiefling she had seen making Caleb uncomfortable, _of course it was._

     He sashayed over, planting his hands firmly on the table in front of them. For what it was worth Caduceus gave the tiefling a wan smile.

     “Hello there, Mr. Tealeaf. It’s always a pleasure to see you-“

     “Why didn’t you tell me you’d be here?”

     “Well, I’d hate to…pull you away from your work-“

     Beau snorted, “What work? He doesn’t do shit for the carnival.”

     The tiefling rolled his eyes, “ _Fuck you_ , Beau.”

     “Fuck you, Molly!”

     “Fuck you!”

     “No, fuck _you_ -“

     Caduceus put his hands up placatingly, “ _Language_ , please. There are children present.”

     Jester looked up form her project and gasped as if just noticing the new arrival, outstretching her hands in a shower of glitter, “ _Molly!_ You’re here!”

     “Yes, dear, I am!” He laughed, “And so are _you_ , Mr. Clay.”

     Caduceus blinked, “I am?”

     Molly let out an exasperated groan, launching himself across the table and wrapping his arms around Caduceus, “Next time text me!” He pulled back to give him a kiss on the forehead, “I only get to see so much of you, don’t take that away from me!”

     “ _Alright_ , alright.”

     Nott saw this as her opportunity to skirt around Molly and exact revenge for Caleb in the boldest way she knew how after two bottles of cheap vodka. She reeled back and punched Molly right in the kidney.

     To her delight the tiefling crumpled like a cheap lawn chair.

     “ _That’s_ for Caleb.” She said with conviction. Justice had been served.

     “ _Ow!_ What-? Who are _you?_ ” Molly demanded, hand pressed to his now-bruised side. He shot a nasty look at Beau who struggled to choke back a laugh.

     Jester jumped up from her seat, “Oh! Molly, this is Nott! She lives with Caleb- who I think you have already met maybe-? They’re our new neighbors!”

     “ _Ah._ I see. Well, _Nott_ , you certainly pack a punch. _Ow._ ”

     Nott huffed a sigh, “And there’s more were that came from if you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”

     Molly stared at her, leaning in _way_ too close for comfort. Nott was suddenly much more aware of her teeth. She crossed her arms in an vain attempt to hide her claws. Molly was quiet for a long moment.

     “You aren’t a halfling are you?” He finally asked.

     Jester opened her mouth to explain, but Nott beat her to it.

     “Bold words to say to someone who has your _wallet!_ ” She crowed, holding up the ugly, bedazzled monster in question. It truly was hideous. The puzzled look on the tiefling’s face was _priceless_.

     Nott knew she was breaking one of the golden rules of pickpocketing which went something along the lines of- _you don’t fucking show someone that you just stole from them_ , but it really couldn’t be helped. _Sticky fingers_ and all.

     Molly stared hard at the wallet, patting down every pocket of his coat, just to be sure- as if the ‘M.T.’ spelled out in tacky rhinestones couldn’t possibly be convincing enough.

     “ _How_ did you-?” He went to snatch it from Nott’s grasp, but was thwarted with a simple backwards step.

     “A magician _never_ reveals her secrets!” She said.

     Jester giggled in delight, and Nott swore Beau’s expression could be categorized somewhere adjacent to ‘mildly impressed’.

     “Oh! Molly! _Molly!_ ” Jester suddenly leapt back over the table, smacking Molly’s arm in barely contained exuberance, “Where is Caleb? And Fjord? Where are they?”

     Molly shrugged, “Fuck if I know- now _give that back!_ ”

     He lunged again, this time catching Nott by the wrist and wrenching the wallet free. She let him take it- she had already had her fun.

     Molly settled his rather venomous gaze on her, “I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, _Miss Nott_ , but your first impression has been… _lackluster_ at best.”

     Nott scoffed. As if _that_ was supposed to make her _feel bad_ or something. Pathetic.

     She just rolled her eyes and crawled back under the table, snagging a couple plastic beads on her way. It wasn’t like she hadn’t picked a good handful of rhinestones off that shitty wallet in the first place, what was this _amateur hour?_

     “Aw, come on, she’s not _that_ bad!” Jester whined, “She let me do her makeup!”

     Molly scoffed, “Well, she could certainly use more of it. She’s starting to look a bit _green_.”

     Nott looked at her hands and sure enough the makeup had begun to rub off. Her knobby green knuckles were a less-than-happy sight. Jester was unfazed though.

     “That’s okay! It’s totally fine, I have-“ She cut herself off to bend over and hastily unzip her backpack, returning to slam a few bottles and brushes on the table, “I have a lot of backup! Nott, come here!” Jester cooed, all but pulling the goblin girl into her lap and setting to work on her too-green digits.

     Beau dropped the hot glue gun, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat, “So, Molly, you heard ‘Deuces was in town and straight up ditched Caleb and Fjord? Where even are they?”

     “Right here.” Fjord’s low drawl floated over from Jester’s side. The tiefling jumped with a yelp- as did Nott. Fjord had moseyed on over sometime in the middle of their conversation, Caleb half-hidden behind him.

     Jester’s smile returned full-force.

     “Hey, _Fjord_.” She giggled, but quickly dropped it with a gasp, “ _Caleb!_ You have to meet my friend! This is Caduceus!” She leaned over to put a hand on the firbolg’s shoulder, “Caduceus, this is our new neighbor Caleb, he lives with Nott!”

     Caleb peered around Fjord at Caduceus who smiled serenely. He gave a curt nod, “Hello…Caduceus. It is nice to meet you.”

     “It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Caleb.” Caduceus said kindly.

     Without thinking Caleb reached out to pet Nott’s head. When she turned to get a better look at him he smiled. And it didn’t even look all that forced! _Good_ , she decided, _that was good_. Maybe Molly hadn’t bothered him so much.

     “All done!” Jester chirped, placing Nott safely back on the ground. Her hands had a fresh coat of that charming, non-goblin color again.

     “ _So_ ,” said Jester, “before I tell you what I have been doing, what did you do with your _‘boy time’_?”

     Fjord chuckled, “Well, you know Molly, he just had to tell poor Caleb’s fortune. Looks like a nasty one too.”

     “Oh, no! Did he use the crystal ball again?”

     “ _No._ Thankfully it was just the cards this time.”

     “Okay, good!” Jester clapped her hands together, “Now to show you all what _I_ have been doing-!“

     She brushed away the absolute mountain of glitter in front of her, pulling a handful of braided cords from the wreckage.

     “ _Friendship bracelets!_ ”

 

* * *

 

     Nott fiddled with the glitter-crusted bracelet, sitting uncomfortably in the back of the cramped little Honda as it sped down the freeway back towards their apartment building. Once again she was snugly packed between Beau and Caleb- still, more Caleb than Beau. He was looking at his own bracelet with a bemused sort of expression. Or perhaps more of a _‘how in the nine hells did we get ourselves into this?’_ sort of expression. It was in the eyes.

     Looking up through the window, Nott could see the dusky sky- winter was well on its way judging by the fact it was only 4 in the afternoon and already this dark. That would make it a bit difficult when they eventually had to skip town again- this time sooner rather than later.

     Caleb had had a…nice day. Not a great day, but a _nice_ one. He needed to spend more time with people. Specifically non-goblin people- a sentiment Nott firmly believed, but never voiced. It wasn’t good for him to be so isolated all the time and these people were good. They were fun.

     Mollymauk was certainly a character, a flurry of loud colors as he twirled from place to place, all sharp smiles and winks. Nott had found herself taking refuge in Caduceus’ shadow more often than not to avoid Molly- or sometimes even Jester who was decidedly sweeter, but perhaps even more rambunctious.

     Even Yasha had joined back up with the group for a short time. She was quiet- a woman of few words, but she was nice enough to keep Molly in check when he was getting a little _too_ familiar with Caleb. That was nice. Yasha was nice.

     Jester was otherworldly in her tirade of gentle chaos throughout the day. It was in essence beautiful as well as destructive. She brightened anywhere she went with her bubbly disposition, leaving places a bit more glittery and defaced than she had found them. Nott admired that about her.

     Fjord did his best in the damage control department, casually trying to reign in the tiefling storm that was tearing its way through the carnival. Only occasionally did he have to add Beau to his list of cats to herd, and that was only when she and Jester got a little rowdy. His motto seemed to be something along the lines of _‘best not to draw too much attention to ourselves’_ which Caleb could appreciate. He spent most of the day in Fjord’s shadow, hopefully caught up in the half-orc’s aura of overall inconspicuousness.

     Beau was on her best behavior compared to what Fjord had deemed a veritable ‘Tiefling Tornado’, but there were a few slip-ups. She was abrasive to a fault and made it her job to intimidate any innocent bystander who happened to glance their way. Maybe she didn’t mean to (she did), but the effect was disconcerting and left Fjord or Caduceus pick up the pieces of any interaction she inevitably left ruined.

     The firbolg was by far the most tolerable in the bunch as far as Nott was concerned. He never made much of a fuss and his conversation was shallow and polite. Caduceus was a gentle giant who often took it upon himself to make sure everyone around him was comfy and contented- especially the on-edge newcomers.

     It was a nice day. The cotton candy was fun, and the rides were fun, and everything was just so _fun_. And Nott definitely didn’t mean that in a passive-aggressive _‘I hated every second of it’_ kind of way. She only hated most of it, the rest was bearable.

     That being said, it was a relief to finally be back inside apartment number 9 with the door closed and triple-locked.

     Nott groaned, stripping off the fluffy jacket to finally let her ears breath. Caleb had already flopped onto the couch, burying his head in his hands. Frumpkin sat patiently at his side, waiting to comfort or be pet.

     “We are going to have to leave at some point. Preferably sooner than later.” He said quietly.

     Nott, who seemed to be utterly determined to scratch all of the makeup off herself in place of a shower, looked to her companion, “Alright.”

     “Alright?”

     She shrugged, “They don’t seem so bad. And it’s almost winter, do you think we should be…camping?”

     Caleb sighed, “I know, but…we cannot get too comfortable- these people-“ He stopped suddenly, glancing to the friendship bracelet on his wrist. It was a braided mix of orange, blue, and green yarn decorated haphazardly with plastic beads and silver glitter. It was cute.

     He swiped a hand across his face, “Did you have fun today?”

     Nott was momentarily phased by the sudden change in topic, but recovered quickly, turning out her pockets and sending an avalanche of plastic beads, rings, buttons, and a few gold coins skittering across their living room floor.

     Caleb smiled, his heart suddenly filling with warmth and affection because _of course she would take every little thing that wasn’t nailed down!_ Somehow he found it utterly charming and just so…so _Nott_.

     “I am glad you had a very… _productive_ day.” He said. Nott gave a particularly impish grin.

     “I did! How about you? Nobody bothered you too much, did they? Nobody… _purple?_ ”

     Caleb chuckled, “If you mean Mr. Mollymauk, _no_. He was not a bother. He is, uh…very interesting.”

     “Alright.” She nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer, going to collect all the little beads and trinkets that had made quite the mess of their small apartment. Some of them had even made it all the way to the kitchen alcove.

     Caleb looked to Frumpkin who had been waiting patiently for a good scratch between the ears and just how could he deny him that any longer? The cat purred happily, pressing his face into Caleb’s palm.

     It was dark outside now, he could see from the window- the lights of Zadash just beginning to brighten against a curtain of night. The apartment was quiet- aside from the low hum of the refrigerator and the occasional skittering of plastic beads or the _clickity clack_ of goblin claws against linoleum. For a moment- just a moment- life was peaceful for the first time in 48 hours as Caleb sank into the couch, closed his eyes, and pet his cat.

     Until there was a knock at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU Notes!
> 
> -Molly got there before Fjord and Caleb because he sprinted there.  
> -Caduceus made a very nice pipe cleaner flower crown.  
> -Molly’s ugly bedazzled wallet was a birthday present from Yasha. She made it for him and he has treasured it ever since.  
> -Molly once used the crystal ball to really freak out Keg by predicting her future. Made a whole performance out of it just to mess with her. He isn’t allowed to use the crystal ball anymore.


	7. Watch Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry this one's a little shorter than usual, but that's because I didn't want the next part bleeding into it for aesthetic reasons.
> 
> Also! Here's a little drawing of [The Mighty Nein's Friendship Bracelets!](https://meladromatic.tumblr.com/post/181855326380/wildemounts-most-wanted-friendship-bracelets-for)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> [Wildemount's Most Wanted SoundTrack](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLs0kFMq2FW3H2z42EuIle2cCcwCu0RzWd)

_“It’s the police, open up!”_

     Both Nott and Caleb froze where they were, glancing towards the door. It was as if a bucket of ice water had been overturned on the poor wizard as he sat there on the couch- half frozen in the middle of petting his familiar. A couple beads fell from Nott’s clutches and she flinched at the noise they made as they disappeared under the refrigerator.

     There was a muffled laugh from the other side.

_“Just fucking with you- It’s me, Beau! Open up!”_

     The tension bled away from Caleb at the sound of Beau’s voice. He looked over his shoulder into the kitchen at his companion who slowly shook her head, eyes wide as she tried to telepathically communicate _‘Don’t do it, don’t open the fucking door please’_. He gave her a rather helpless look. It was best to just see what Beau wanted- it would get her to leave quicker than ignoring her, and it’s not like they could pretend they weren’t home.

     With a few more quick scratches under Frumpkin’s chin, Caleb abandoned his comparatively stress-free spot on the couch to begin the process of unlocking the front door.

     Beau practically shouldered her way into the apartment before he even had a chance to undo the chain lock. She stepped right past the frazzled wizard, unaware of the three foot pillar of twitching ears and narrowed eyes that stood seething hatred from the kitchen alcove.

     “Hey.” Was all she offered in greeting, now standing in their living room, and twirling her bo staff experimentally, “Came to talk.” Caleb winced at the memory of said staff coming down on his shoulder the day before. The angry purple bruise was still a nuisance.

     “What-? O…kay, uh, _ja_ , come in. Make yourself at home, I guess.”

     He hovered uncomfortably by the door- as if that would get her to leave any faster. He knew it wouldn’t.

     She slammed the end of her staff against the floor with a resounding _WHACK_ that made both Caleb and Nott jump. Beau settled her piercing gaze on him.

     She shrugged her shoulders a bit in an attempt to loosen up and look somewhat softer- it didn’t have quite that affect, but at least she was trying. Trying not to intimidate? That didn’t necessarily bode well.

     “Listen,” She said, “I don’t want to freak you out or anything, so don’t-“ Beau looked back over her shoulder at the goblin in the kitchen, “ _neither of you_ freak out and shoot me or _whatever_ …but I know who you guys are.”

     The skittishness all but disappeared from Caleb- it was like a switch had been flipped. He stood a little straighter, bright eyes now cold as he stared her down with a matching intensity. Nott could tell- even from her vantage point in the kitchen that he was planning- _thinking_ \- something. Hopefully he was thinking of the quickest and quietest way to get rid of this woman who _knew them_! No one was supposed to _know them!_ They had been keeping a low profile ever since Rexxentrum.

     Caleb could hear Nott’s mumbled curses as she stalked off down the hall- probably getting her crossbow, he mused, but maybe, just _maybe_ it wasn’t time for that yet. Beau must have had a point to bring this up- she was going somewhere with this.

     “I mean,” Beau flipped her staff idly, “it’s not like you were _subtle_. The Widogast case is still being covered by the news and everything about you guys screams ‘fugitives’. You’re _dirty_ , you never leave your apartment, Nott _broke into_ our apartment, you’re all _jumpy_ and kinda weird-“

     “What is it that you want?” Caleb asked quietly, eyes hard.

     Beau smirked, throwing herself down onto the couch, “You get straight to the point, I like that.”

     “So, what? You want us to buy your silence?” Caleb was getting impatient. For all he knew the police were already on their way and this was just a distraction. It was unlikely, but not entirely impossible.

     “Something like that, yeah.” Beau’s face softened genuinely and she relinquished her grip on the staff in favor or wringing her hands, “Listen, you guys…you made Jester _real_ happy today. She won’t shut up about all the fun shit she has planned for our _‘adventuring party’_. She’s been kinda down lately since her mom’s been sick, but…you guys cheered her back up.” She sighed, “So. If you two stick around? Keep making Jester happy? My lips are sealed.” She suddenly leaned forward on her staff with a sneer, “But if you fuck with her- fuck with _us_ \- I will beat you so _fucking_ hard you’ll look like mango chutney…and if you bail- you decide to just up and leave? _Then_ I’ll call the cops.”

     “You are blackmailing us.” Said Caleb.

     Beau rolled her eyes, “Well, it sounds really shitty when you say it like _that_ , but…yeah. I am.”

     “Hm.”

     That didn’t leave them with much of a choice. So it was either back on the run until they were as far from Zadash as possible or stay as long as they could at the price of being at these people’s beck and call for entertainment. Caleb touched the amulet he wore under layers of dirty shirts and jackets. Would it be worth it? To stay for longer than intended if it meant being tied to these people?

     Winter was almost upon Wildemount. The days were getting shorter and the nights were getting colder and no matter how standoffish he wanted to be about this Caleb wouldn’t look forward to living in the woods again. And not to mention it wasn’t just _him_ anymore.

     Caleb stared into the hallway where Nott had disappeared. Winter was coming. Traveling was hard in the winter when the ground froze and the wind snuffed out any small campfire they built. Where towns were few and far-between, the people there closed-minded and cruel. The woods were always cold and always damp and always full of things that wanted to kill them.

     Nott was a saint and had spent more than enough time in the godsdamned _woods_ helping Caleb hide from his past. After all that time on the road- in the snow, sleeping on the ground, freezing on nights he was too afraid to even build a small fire- she deserved to live in a _house_ and sleep in a _bed_ like everyone else. Nott was always so good to him, it wouldn’t be the end of the world to stick this out. No matter how much he wanted to run off and hide in the woods until all of this blew over, he couldn’t do that to her.

     Keep being ‘friends’ with these people? Easy enough- and possibly worth it.

     “Y’know,” Beau broke Caleb from his heavy thoughts, “If you stick with us, we can cover for you. As long as you’re our neighbor, we can make sure the feds don’t come knocking.” She smirked, “We have ways.”

     “And how can I know you won’t walk out of here and call the police right now, huh? How can we trust you?”

     “You can’t.”

     “…You say that as if it will make me trust you _more_ , and it really does not.”

     She threw her hands up, her staff clattering to the floor, “Well, it’s not like _you’re_ in a position to make demands, buddy!”

     Caleb shook his head. This was getting ridiculous. “This can be a…mutually beneficial agreement. As long as we _stay_ \- make your friend happy- you make sure we are safe.”

     Beau scrutinized him for a long moment, apparently unable to find leeway for argument. “ _But_ , if you disappear in the middle of the night-“

     “You will alert the authorities.”

     “I will not _hesitate_.” She kicked her staff back up into her hands and slammed it into the ground for emphasis, “And on top of that I will find you and _beat your ass._ ”

     These were not unreasonable terms. Make the girl happy (easy enough, she’s excitable), stay in Zadash (in a cozy apartment out of the cold), and these three will keep the eyes of the law away (potentially unreliable, but worth a shot).

     Caleb sighed, “I…will _accept_ your proposition. And agree to your terms. We will stay as long as we are able and are in no immediate danger.”

     “And keep hanging out with Jester- with _us_.” Beau leaned back, “I mean, you don’t have to _move in_ , but…go along with her plans, answer the door more, come over for dinner sometime…she does this- this movie night? Come to that! Jester chooses the movie usually and it’s… _bad_ , but hey it’s better than jail, right?” She laughed, flashing a grin that looked predatory despite the disarming intent behind it. Caleb wasn’t as amused.

     “Yes. Is that all?” He asked.

     Beau seemed to think for a second, before standing, “Yeah. That’s it.” She stepped closer to the door and Caleb’s heart practically leapt with joy. _Please leave, please leave, please leave._

     She stopped partway, angling her staff towards his chest, “I’ll be watching you two, so don’t _fucking_ test me. You try _anything_ -“

     “And you will beat my ass, yes. I understand.”

     Beau gave a curt nod, jaw set, and with that, slipped out the door, slamming it behind her.

     Feverishly, Caleb leapt forward to replace the locks- even set an alarm spell for good measure. He couldn’t be too careful, not now that they’d been compromised.

     Breathing out a sigh or relief, Caleb leaned his forehead against the door. Somehow this day got…worse. That was certainly unexpected. Up until now he was sure the worst part of the day was when an off-duty police officer had stared just a bit too long in his direction, but this confrontation had definitely bumped that one down to number 2 on the list.

     Caleb settled back into his practiced beggar’s slump, dragging his weary bones back to his spot on the couch, where he called Frumpkin to stretch across his lap and be cute in general. Maybe that would cheer him up. Frumpkin made some pretty cute cat noises, that helped a little bit.

     That sparkly friendship bracelet around his wrist was beginning to feel more and more like a shackle.

     “ _What are we going to do?_ ” Caleb whispered to his familiar. Frumpkin didn’t have any answers, of course, but was able to project a clear feeling of commiseration through their mental connection.

     Just as he was beginning to wonder where Nott had gone, Caleb was startled from his moping by a ratty backpack being tossed onto the cushion next to him. He looked over to see the goblin in question peeking over the arm of the couch, determination set in her eyes.

     “I’m packed and ready to go.” She gestured to the backpack, “You say the word and we’re _gone._ ”

     Once again, she was nothing if not supportive.

     Caleb gave a bitter smile, beckoning her to join him on the couch. And, as always, she obeyed, climbing over the side to sit close, nimble claws immediately going to give Frumpkin a particularly good scratch behind his ear. He leaned into her hand, purring loudly.

     “We are not leaving. Not yet. Perhaps not for a while, now.”

     Nott looked up at Caleb with those big lantern eyes that were always so full of concern, “So you really trust Beau? You don’t think she’ll…go all _evil_ and betray us?”

     “That is one possibility, yes.” He sighed, “We will just have to see. But I think we should stay. It would be… _safer_ to go along with this. For the time being.”

     She didn’t seem as convinced, but if she had any objections, she kept them to herself.

     “Alright.” She said, “If that’s what you think is best, Caleb, then I’m with you. One-hundred percent.”

     And with that Caleb’s heart melted a little. Nott’s loyalty was something he would always be grateful for, even when he knew he didn’t deserve it.

     In that moment Caleb was left vulnerable in the face of Nott’s earnestness and couldn’t help but put an arm around her in a half-hug. She leaned into him without hesitation. Frumpkin chirped, rolling over across both of their laps in a display of pure kitty cuteness, which was greatly appreciated. Nothing like a good Frumpkin to lighten the mood.

     “Thank you.” Caleb murmured, “If things go wrong we will leave, but for now we should stay. Be friendly, you know?”

     Her face scrunched up as she looked down disdainfully at her own friendship bracelet, “I _know_.”

     “That means no more tricks. No more sticky fingers with _them._ ”

     “I’m sure I can manage.” Nott sighed.

     “I am sure you can.”

     Nott pulled the bracelet from her wrist, giving it one last contemptuous glance before quickly chucking it at the adjacent wall. It fell to the ground in a small heap of string and green glitter. The beads woven into it were shaped like little hearts, which made her feel kinda bad, but whatever.

     The goblin leaned further into her wizard, claws buried in the soft fur of Frumpkin’s belly.

 

     How bad could this possibly get?


	8. The Hermit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! This chapter was supposed to be shorter, but it kinda got away from me, now it's the second longest chapter (besides chapter 1). Anyway, hope you all enjoy! It was certainly my favorite chapter to write so far. (also feel free to suggest things that could happen in later chapters or things you might want to happen! I would love to hear some ideas! Besides my 10 pages of stupid notes for this story I'm pretty much making it all up as i go) Love you guys!  
>  
> 
> [Wildemount's Most Wanted SoundTrack](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLs0kFMq2FW3H2z42EuIle2cCcwCu0RzWd)

_Three days after his arrest, Caleb got a cellmate._

_She kicked and screamed the entire way down the jail’s main hall, starting with desperate pleas for mercy which- when ignored- quickly devolved into some very creative threats of violence. Caleb pressed himself further into the corner of the white brick room, pulling up the collar of his coat against the harsh fluorescent lights._

_That shrill, pitchy voice was getting closer by the second, and soon enough it was right outside the cell door. Caleb hunched down even further in an attempt to make himself as small as possible in the back corner. He had to get away- away from the light, away from the noise, away from-_

_The door was thrown open, and suddenly that screechy voice was all too clear, pounding in his ears-_

_“Put me down! Let me go! I didn’t steal your damned wine! I’ll slit your throat! Please, don’t put me in there YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO GOBLINS IN JAIL?!”_

_A small bundle of rags and green was all but kicked into the cell alongside him, the door slamming closed and locking behind her._

_The goblin was quick to regain her footing, turning to pound against the door, yelling more profanity at the officer’s retreating back._

_“Fuck you! Come back here, I dare you! I’LL RIP YOUR UGLY FACE OFF!”_

_When her first few attempts to punch the door down proved fruitless she resorted to slamming the entirety of her small body against it instead. This went on for a good while, each attempt making Caleb cringe further into his coat like some dirty hermit crab. This newcomer was loud and unwelcome in a space that was already overwhelming at the best of times- downright unbearable at the worst._

_The creature was nearly out of breath from the exertion of turning itself into a goblin battering ram and took one last deep breath before launching herself shoulder-first into the metal door. The resounding **THUD** was hollow and almost condescending in the face of her already wilting determination. _

_Caleb was more than a little relieved when she sighed, slumping against the door. It seemed like she had finally gained enough sense to lose the will to live- or at least the will to keep needlessly harming herself. The room was finally silent- well, mostly silent. The goblin’s ragged breaths were still out of place in the small cell._

_Caleb- never one to deny his own curiosity- slowly unfurled from his corner, peeking over the top of his coat collar to get a better look at his new cellmate._

_She was definitely a goblin- a mess of skinny limbs, dirty green skin, and stringy black-green hair. Despite hiding her face, the goblin’s large ears were cocked in his direction. She was listening._

_Caleb lowered his arm from where it was wrapped around his knees, adjusting himself so he faced the door. The goblin’s reaction was immediate._

_She whipped around to face him, lantern eyes wide as she pressed her back against the scuffed metal._

_“Don’t you come near me!” She hissed, “I-…I’ll bite!”_

_Caleb decided not to take that threat lightly- no matter how much she was shaking as she said it. He shrank away a bit, holding out both hands in what he hoped was a placating gesture. The goblin’s eyes never left him._

_When he finally spoke, his voice was gravelly with disuse and sounded strange to even his own ears._

_“I…do not mean you any harm.” Caleb hoped he sounded earnest enough. Judging by the way her ears flattened against her head she must not have believed him. He decided to try again._

_“My name is Caleb…uh…what-…what is your…name?”_

_The goblin stared him down as if he had just pointed a knife at her. He tried to look anywhere but directly at her._

_“Why are you talking to me?” She demanded, “People don’t talk to goblins, they kill them. What do you want?!”_

_Caleb balked in the face of such acute paranoia, “I…just…asked for your name?”_

_The goblin relaxed a bit, her ears even perked back up._

_“My name…?” She murmured._

_She seemed taken aback by the question- understandably. A goblin- especially one so feral-looking- all dressed in rags and covered in grime- must not get a lot of questions directed at it. When it came to the creatures of the Old World people’s knee-jerk reactions were typically to shoot first and ask questions later. It was shocking enough she was so fluent in Common. Caleb wondered just how fluent she really was- he had to get her to talk more._

_He shifted a bit closer, “Yes. You, uh-…do you have a name?”_

_“Oh!…Uh…Nott.” She said shamefully, “The Brave.”_

_Caleb withheld the laugh that bubbled up within him. Brave? He had never heard of a goblin with a virtue name before. Virtues weren’t something goblins had in general._

_Perhaps there was something special about this one._

_The two lapsed into silence once more, both a little more tired and a little less afraid. Just a human, a goblin, a cell, and the buzzing of the overhead lights._

 

_Plink!_

 

_Plink!_

 

* * *

 

_Plink!_

 

_Plink!_

 

     Caleb came to consciousness rather ungracefully, face smashed against the arm of the dingy blue-green couch.

_Plink!_

     He frowned at the noise, pulling the blanket over his head and rolling over.

  
     He paused. Blanket? He had fallen asleep on the couch, still in his clothes from the day before. He didn’t remember grabbing a blanket-

     Some clatter from the kitchen jarred him back to the reality of his situation.

     The apartment. He was in their apartment. In Zadash. He had gone to the carnival yesterday. He had talked to Beau last night. He had fallen asleep on the couch, petting Frumpkin.

_Plink!_

     There was an annoyed huff from the kitchen alcove, and a set of quiet footsteps began making their way through the living room, past the couch, and over to the window. Caleb lifted his head a bit, daring to catch a glimpse beyond the blanket.

     The bright, cold blue of morning beat its way through the small window, flooding the living room with an odd light that cast almost no shadows. 7:00 AM, Caleb’s mind supplied.

     Nott had stalked over to look through the window, down at something in the street below.

_Plink!_

     A pebble ricochet off the bottom left pane, rattling it within its frame. Nott scoffed, quickly drawing the blinds and turning on her heel back towards the kitchen. She stopped when her eyes landed on him.

     “Oh!” She said, “You’re awake?”

     He managed a nod.

     Seemingly out of nowhere the window rattled dangerously- as if caught in a terrible storm.

_“CAAAY-LEEEB!”_

     Both of them cringed.

     Caleb pulled the blanked off of his head, “Is that-?”

 _“Jester.”_ Nott sighed, “She was pounding on the door earlier asking for you. Nearly thought she’d bust it down!”

     “You ignored her?”

     “No, I told her to go away! Caught her lookin’ under the door so I shoved my shortsword through the gap. Nearly got her in the eye, too!”

     Caleb refused to smile at that. Even if it was kind of funny. He dragged a hand across his face.

     “We should avoid stabbing the one person who determines our fate, yes?”

     The window rattled again and Nott flinched, “How’s she doin’ that?!”

     “Thaumaturgy, I suspect. A side-effect of tiefling heritage-“

_“CAAAAALEEEEB!”_

     The wizard sighed, “I cannot deal with this right now- Nott-? Could you…make her go away?”

     Nott gave him an odd look, “What, like _kill_ her?”

     “No! Just- talk to her.”

     “What should I say?”

     Caleb flopped back down, pulling the blanket back up, “I don’t know. Anything. Anything to make her go away.”

     Seeing that familiar determination creep across her face, Caleb knew this would be good.

     With renewed purpose Nott stalked over to the window, pulling up the blinds, shoving the window open and leaning out as far as she dared- just as a pebble flew upwards and caught her right in the forehead. She flinched, then growled, bringing a hand to her face.

     “ _Ow!_ Jester!”

     There was a sharp gasp from far below, “Oh, shit! I’m so sorry Nott!” A pause, “…Can I talk to Caleb?”

     Nott shook her head and _growled_ , focusing back on the tiefling before screaming down to the sidewalk below-

     “HE’S _DEAD_ , GO AWAY, HE’S DEAD.”

     The beginnings of a protest were barely heard before Nott leaned back in, slamming the window shut, closing the blinds, and turning to the wizard with a rather self-satisfied look. Once again, she was his knight in shining armor- if a bit unorthodox in her methods, they were effective. A few moments of silence confirmed this. Caleb allowed himself a small smile.

     “How often do I tell you that you are my best friend?”

     She shrugged, “At _least_ once a month.”

     “That is not nearly enough. You are my _best_ friend.”

     Her face darkened into a deeper shade of green and she squirmed, visibly struggling to hold back a toothy grin, “Little ‘ol me?”

     “Of course.”

     “Oh!” Nott’s eyes suddenly widened, ears shooting straight up in that charming cat-like way, “I just remembered! Guess what day it is?”

     Caleb was quiet for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek- where was she going with this?

     “It is…Sunday?”

     “It’s our _anniversary!_ ”

     Caleb blinked, “Our-…it’s our…our _what?_ ”

     “Our anniversary!” She chirped, “We met in jail one year ago to the day.”

     “That is…an odd thing to celebrate.”

     “Yeah,” She shrugged, “but it’s _ours_. Besides! I got you a present!” From the large front pocket of her stained grey hoodie she pulled a $20 bill, placing it on the blanket over his chest, “Book money!”

     He stared at the cash, “Where did you get this?” She hadn’t been out of the apartment while he was asleep had she?

     She seemed to sense his fear and quickly dismissed it with a wave of her hand, “Took it from that Mollymauk fellow’s wallet, yesterday. Figured he owed you for all that _unnecessary touching._ ”

     Caleb chuckled, “I-…suppose so, but Nott, please remember, we cannot take things from these people now. Not when Beauregard can have us arrested just like that.”

     “Or beat your ass.” Nott reminded helpfully.

     “That too, but I am less afraid of that.” He paused, sitting up and motioning for her to join him on the couch, “We need to keep Jester happy.”

     “Oh, that’s _easy_.” Nott snickered, climbing up to sit next to him, “She’s _always_ happy. It’s unsettling.”

     Caleb noticed Nott had retrieved her friendship bracelet and was wearing it once again, despite yesterday’s outburst. He himself didn’t have the heart to take off his own, even with the ring of glitter it left on his wrist…and all over his clothes- a sacrifice he was either willing to make or too apathetic to avoid.

     “She is very… _excitable_ , I would say.” He agreed.

     “ _And_ persistent! She’s been trying to break in for the past three hours. I’m sorry she woke you.”

     Caleb shook his head, “No, no, it is fine. We should see what she wants.”

     Nott leaned against him, “It would seem she wants to talk to _you_ , Caleb.”

     “Hm. What about, do you think?”

     She looked thoughtful for a moment, ears twitching decisively, “I think…she wants to _kill us_ and harvest our organs!- But that’s just _me_. What do _you_ think?”

     He sighed, “I think whatever she wants, she will not give up so easily-“

     A rapid knocking at the front door confirmed this.

 _”Caleb! I know you’re not dead in there, so please answer the door!”_ More knocking, _”And if he is dead, then you should really let me in because I’m like, a really good healer!”_

     Caleb rubbed at his eyes, only barely withholding the groan that bubbled up within him. He pushed aside the blanket, pocketing the $20 and standing, wincing as his joints creaked. He hoped he wasn’t getting _that_ old.

     Nott grimaced up at Caleb, “You’re not going to let her in are you?”

     He shrugged, shuffling over and undoing the door’s three locks, dismissing the alarm spell. With all the excitement of someone on his way to his own execution, Caleb opened the door a crack, “Good morning, Jester.”

     She stared back at him all bright-eyed and bushy tailed- definitely a morning person. She smiled.

     “ _Ay oh Ay!_ Good morning!”

     Her foot was already in the doorway.

     It should have been irritating, but Caleb- in all his sentimentality- could only find it endearing. Jester never seemed to take no for an answer.

     “Do you…uh, need…something?” Caleb asked.

     She hummed for a bit, “Uh, _yes!_ Yes, can I come in? Maybe?”

     She asked politely this time, which was a start, but that didn’t quite stop her from forcing her way in before she got an answer. Caleb would have said yes anyway, so he didn’t mind as much as he should have, “Yes, you may come in.” She had already hopped through the door and parked herself on the couch next to a very perturbed-looking Nott.

     “Good morning, Nott! I’m really sorry I hit you with that rock earlier.” Jester crooned.

     “Uh, good- what- hello?” Nott cast about for any way to respond to this intrusion of home and now personal space. She shifted away slightly, “Good- good…morning?”

     “Good morning!” Jester echoed back in a sing-song lilt before leaning forward, slapping her hands against her knees. Nott flinched, “ _Caleb_.”

     “Yes, Jester?”

     “I have a question!”

     He nodded, hesitantly urging her to continue.

     “What would you _say_ …if I asked you and Nott to come over to _our apartment_ …to have a _sleepover!_ ”

 _Oh no._ Oh, that is so much worse than ‘movie night’. Beau’s words echoed through his head- _“I mean, you don’t have to move in, but…go along with her plans, answer the door more, come over for dinner sometime…”_

     Caleb already saw out of the corner of his eye, Nott, shaking her head furtively. When Jester looked to the goblin she froze, plastering on a smile that was more grimace than grin.

     Jester turned back to him, “…You are not saying anything and I think that means _‘Yes, Jester we would love to do that, we’ll come over at, like, around 8:00 tonight’!_ ”

     “Uh…you-“ Caleb shook his head in a sort of disbelief, “You…took the words right out of my mouth.” He could see Nott was making some very… _expressive_ faces in his direction, but he ignored her, “8:00 tonight?”

     Jester was practically vibrating with energy now, “ _Yes!_ We can have dinner and watch a movie!” She gasped with delight, “I can make _popcorn!_ ”

     Nott frowned, tilting her head, “What’s ‘popcorn?’”

     Jester turned to her with wide eyes, “You’ve never had _popcorn?!_ ”

     “…No?”

     “Oh, Nott, you’re going to love it! We’ll have popcorn and watch Tusk Love and sleep in a big blanket fort!”

      Caleb tried put on a brave face, “That sounds…uh, nice?”

     That sounded absolutely _terrible_ , but Jester’s excitement was borderline infectious- even at this early hour. Caleb could barely reign in the smile that threatened to break out across his face. There was just something so darling about this little blue tiefling girl- she was pushing past his defenses like a bulldozer. And that could prove dangerous.

     There were approximately two exceptions to Caleb’s _‘don’t let anyone close ever’_ rule- the first was his own damn cat, and the second (an oversight, really) was Nott. In an acute lapse in paranoia he wondered if Jester had potential for that list. If not, she just might force her way onto it anyway.

     “…Is that all?” Caleb asked carefully.

     He didn’t miss Nott’s _‘please don’t encourage her’_ look. Jester hopped back to her feet, “Nope! But next time we should have a sleepover here!” She looked around, gesturing to what she could see of the mostly-empty apartment, “This place is so _sad_ , you could use more blankets and pillows and-“ She gasped again, slapping her hands to her face, “I could make you some paintings to hang on your boring white walls! I am like, a _really, super good_ artist, I should show you my sketchbook sometime!”

     “How about tonight?” Nott suggested, “At the…sleep…over?”

     Jester _beamed_ , “That’s _perfect!_ ” She rushed towards the door, but stopped short, “Oh! What do you guys want for dinner? I can order pizza?”

     Nott gave Caleb a look that made him think she was about to ask something like _‘what the hell is pizza?’_ , which was admittedly cute, but he just gave her a quick little smile, “Uh, _Ja_ , yes, that sounds good, we will see you tonight.” And before he could blink Jester had already bounced her way out of their apartment, cheerfully slamming the door behind her.

     Mindlessly, Caleb replaced the locks on the door, breathing out a sigh of relief.

     “8:00 tonight.” He repeated, as if he’d forget it otherwise. It’s unlikely, he never forgets- that’s his curse. Nott was back to giving him that nervous look. He wished he could put her worries at ease, but…these are worries not so easily dealt with. All they could really do was just…go along with it. Go along with all of Jester’s plans. Keep her happy, and keep Beau on their side as well as out of their business.

     And right now Caleb’s business is this: _He needs more books._


End file.
